Tuesday, June 30, 2020

The child is shy and sticky because of this. The sooner the parents know, the better

Children who are insecure often have the following three performances:

1. Frequently shy or afraid

When a child feels shy and scared when facing a stranger, withdraws from a strange environment and does not dare to express himself, this is a typical lack of security.

At this time, parents should give close contact to the child's limbs and give them a sense of protection. For complete strangers, tell your children not to eat each other’s food and not to walk with each other, otherwise mother will be worried. For unfamiliar relatives and friends, to tolerate the child's cowardice, you can embrace the child, introduce the child's goodwill to the child, and eliminate the child's uneasiness and strangeness.

2. The transition is sticky, always accompanied by others

Children stick to people is a way for them to pursue a sense of security, because they can't use their own efforts to counteract the anxiety brought to them by the strange real world.

When the child sleeps, he likes to hold his mother's hand, or hug his mother's arm, holding his favorite plush toy. These small actions have actually shown that the child lacks a sense of security.

In fact, when the children are 2 to 3 years old, they have been able to get rid of the limitations of their parents and explore the world independently, showing "I can" and "I can" everywhere.

However, children who lack security feel extra attachment to their parents, lack enthusiasm for new things, and are passive in interpersonal communication. It is difficult to establish an independent and confident personality in the long run.

Parents can encourage their children to participate in outdoor activities, and discuss and exchange feelings with him, tell him that he has always been with him, and will not abandon him.

3. The child has a tendency to violence

Children in school often clash with other children. Throwing things, yelling and hitting people is a way to vent their negative emotions.

At this time, they did not learn how to vent bad emotions. Many times they are used to imitating adults. If parents usually vent their emotions in the wrong way, they will let their children learn.

With the increase of age, children will face more emotional distress, and over time, it will also lead to the development of morbid personality.


Many parents have this kind of experience. When the child first enters the kindergarten, they generally resist the kindergarten life. There will be a series of behaviors that are not suitable for the kindergarten environment, such as shouting, crying, or daring to speak. Park anxiety.

Safe children have a higher degree of trust in others, are more likely to adapt to the new environment, and can establish good relationships with other children.

Children with a sense of security are often more optimistic and confident, dare to try new things that are unknown, not afraid of difficulties, full of hope for the future, and have a higher "empathy" ability, more understanding and understanding.

The lack of security of children, such as emotional fluctuations, timid fear, like to escape, lonely personality, glass heart and other vulnerable personality trends.


Why are children so insecure?

1. Parting of parents

Psychological research shows that if the child is separated from the mother for more than half a month before the age of 3, the resulting wound pain is almost irreversible.

Getting along with children day and night and interacting with them is the best way to bring them a sense of security.

After the child is sensible, if the parents want to leave for a period of time, they should tell the truth as far as possible: "Mom will go on a business trip and will come back in a few days. Mom will call you."

Knowing that her mother will definitely come back and hear her voice on the phone, the child will feel more at ease.

Don’t cheat the child with a playful attitude: “Mom will come back after going to the toilet.” “Let’s play a peek-a-boo.” Once the child turns around, he can no longer find his mother, and the child will fall into abandonment In a panic.

If children live in an unreal and unstable environment for a long time, they will easily lose their sense of security.

2. Intimidation education for parents

Parents often use intimidation to make their children obedient. Even leave the child alone in a dark environment or shut the door alone.

"If you are not obedient, you will be caught and eaten by monsters!"

"If you cry again, I will throw you into the river!"

"If you make trouble again, I won't want you anymore, you will never see me!"

Such kind of education will make the children panic and lose their sense of security. Because the children are very simple, they will take their parents' words seriously, and then be vigilant at all times, worrying that the parents really don't want to be themselves.

How can such a child calm down.

3. Feel the anxiety of parents

"Mom, how much money is there in our family now?" A 6-year-old girl asked her mother while eating KFC.

My mother thought about it seriously and said, "Our family is running out of money now. My father lost money in business. In the future, he will have to borrow money for living expenses."

"Is it true?" the little girl didn't believe.

"It's true!" Mom showed a painful expression and gave Dad a look, and Dad nodded in coordination.

Although this is just a joke made by the parents, the child will be in a panic and will worry about whether he will eat a meal or not, and whether he will live without a house in the future.

Children's hearts are very sensitive, they can feel the joys and sorrows of adults, and they will also be affected by their emotions.

If the adults worry about their livelihoods and the couples do not quarrel in harmony, the children can perceive the change of family atmosphere, and the negative emotions of the parents will make the children lose their sense of security.

Therefore, when parents are affected by negative emotions, don’t forget to appease the children to avoid panic.

A person who lacks a sense of security cannot satisfy the child's sense of security, and makes the child feel the optimism of his parents' life instead of anxiety. He can naturally find the love, confidence and security brought by his parents.

4. Unreliability of parents

"Mom and dad didn't give up, and I'll count on you in the future."

"Don't learn from your father and me, what can't be done, you must do great things in the future."

Parents should be the child's dependence, when the child realizes that there is no backing behind him, he will lose his sense of security.

Especially adolescent children need a indicator lamp in their growth, they need spiritual support, otherwise they will easily fall into confusion and helplessness.

Once the credibility of the parents breaks down, when the children encounter difficulties, they would rather walk around like a headless fly, rather than listen to their parents' suggestions, because they are not enough to convince them.

Children's sense of security is the basic trust in the outside world and people. First of all, they come from parents. Parents' attitude towards children and their own state of security will affect the establishment of their inner sense of security.

British picture book master Anthony Brown’s picture books “My Dad” and “My Mom” inspired the love and worship of parents by countless children with fireworks and pictures.

Indeed, the image of parents does not have to be tall, but it must be reliable. Let the child know that when he makes a mistake, someone will help him to correct it; when he is in trouble, someone will help him and give him support.

Parents are always strong barriers for children, so that the children will have a sufficient sense of security.


For adults, only when they have a sense of security can they live optimistically. Otherwise, they will be prone to anxiety and their emotions will be out of control, which will affect our normal life.

This is still true for adults, and the sense of security must have a greater impact on children.

Only when children are born know that the world is reliable and their parents and others can be trusted, they will have the courage and confidence to perceive and touch the society, to enjoy the beauty and even create the beauty.

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